Following Robin’s lead I signed up for this
Here’s my Story:
Growing up I’ve always been the big sister, even though I’m the youngest. My physique took after my father’s side of the family. My sister’s physique took after my mother’s side. Although I was bigger, I never considered myself fat, I was thick, big bone, fine, but never fat. I was always active, but never paid attention to what I ate. I fell under the school of thought, that you can eat whatever you want, just as long as you exercise – and boy did I eat.
Eating has always been my method of socialization and I would eat because everyone else ate. My father and I bonded over food. In high school, my friends and I would travel off campus to grab lunch at Taco Bell, Dairy Queen, Burger King, etc. In college, we would dine out at Bennigan’s, Chili’s. At work, we would go to the All You Can Eat buffets, and any restaurant that carried lunch specials. Often I would tag along because I didn’t want to feel left out, regardless of whether not I was hungry. Food is my crack and I its fiend.
Then in 2002, something happened: I experienced my first heartbreak in years. It was brutal, I became consumed with it. Constantly thinking about ‘him’, or what ‘he’ was doing, or if ‘he’ was dating someone else. It drove me crazy, so to keep my mind off ‘him’ I exercised and dieted. It kept me distracted and it worked, I lost a little over 30 pounds. I kept the weight off until 2004. Slowly the weight crept back. I stopped eating right and exercising.
Right now, I think I’m the biggest I’ve ever been in my life at 190 pounds. So I’m doing something about it. I decided to do something about it months ago, but only recently started taking action on it. Despite the title of my blog, my motivation is not the $1,000 - yes, it is a nice incentive and it forced me to get off my ass, but I’ve seem to have lost my swagger (my way of being, confidence). I need to get that back. I second guess every person who tells me I look good, who tells me I’m attractive, who asks me out on a date. I know that self pride and love shouldn’t hinge itself on pants size, but the person staring back at me in the mirror is not me and I do not care for her I want her to go away for good, hence the beginning of my weight loss journey.
