Overweight and doing something about it

On Monday morning, when it rained hard, so hard in fact I thought it felt like monsoon. Traffic was horrific. Well, right before the Harry Hines toll plaza, my windshield wipers stopped working. Both wipers were just chilaxing on my windshield, at a 60 degree angle. They were taking a break, like they were employees of the US government or BNY. I was ok because traffic was stand-still and I could still see stuff, important stuff, like the barricades and cars in front of me. My visibility went down to .12% when traffic started moving, Stevie Wonder a better chance of navigating through the madness. So that’s when I freaked out, I literally started singing… “Jesus, Take The Wheel” and was on the verge of doing the ugly cry. I’m on the ramp to Harry Hines, and I turned on my hazards, thinking Oh dear, Oh dear what should I do. My options were to stay put until it stops raining and risk getting hit by crazy DFW drivers or continue on driving pull over in a safe place and risk getting hit by crazy DFW drivers in the process.
 To remind you, I couldn’t see doo-doo: Helen Keller, Ray Charles, and Eros all had better vision than me at this point. I could see headlights, but wasn’t able to gauge how fast the cars were driving. So here I am, crawling along with my hazards on and at critical decision making point in my life. If I make a wrong decision, I would die… it was that serious. Kind of reminiscent of the prison’s dilemma problem I had to do in college weighing the pros/cons in a four quadrant square. In college I had two weeks to work out the problem, however, on Monday I only had two seconds… but because I am brilliant this was an easy feat.
 So, I chose the latter and made my way across three lanes of traffic and pulled into Little Mexico Village, as I was driving, my low-fuel light came on. GREAT. I put my car in park and ravage through the make-shift storage area, formerly known as the backseat looking for an umbrella. Didn’t find one, but I found some towels and broken glass, but then I was like oh hell nah, I much rather be 1,259 minutes late for work, than to get wet over some BS, so I stayed put. I picked up my phone to call my insurance agent, and then SUDDENLY my wipers fell down to rest position and back up again. At which point, I became a born again Christian, but not until next Tuesday. They were working. Moving on!
 I didn’t want to risk anything else, and since I was already late for work I decided to get gas. I pull into the gas station right next to the American Airlines Center and started doing the Happy Dance, because the pumps were covered by a carport which meant protection from the rain. Or so I thought… The effing gas pump is not reading debit/credit cards at the moment, which means I must run from under my protection to the Cashier, which MEANS, I am going to get wet. So, as I’m walking towards the edge of the carport, I notice a man who is holding an umbrella, under the Carport. I was kinda ticked that he didn’t offer it to me, got even more ticked as I caught him watching the girls jiggle as I was running back. So I ran in, paid, ran back, pumped gas and got in my car. My Vdub miraculously morphed into an amphibious vehicle driving through the water that now covered the streets of downtown Dallas. As I was driving, I passed a stalled car in the middle of the street. The driver was none other than the aforementioned A-hole. Karma, ya’ll.
 There is no moral of this story as it is true and it is my life and you know I have no morals.

Today started off pretty rough. Only because one of my coworkers who is clearly incompetent got a promotion. The women’s whose answer to everything is I don’t know.

As in:

Hey S. did you sign those documents?

“I don’t know”

Hey S. Did you get that wire out?

“I don’t know”

Hey S. Do you wipe your ass after dropping the kids off at the pool

“I don’t know”

So, I’m sure you can understand my perplexity over this whole promotion situation. A huge slap in the face

Anyway, so I’m in this horrible mood right… I needed a pick-me-up, so I went to the nail salon and got a pedi… driving back downtown, I caught a glimpse of the finest man on earth. Apparently, they’re filming Prison Break outside of my office.  Yahoo! Too bad I didn’t have my war paint on.

Oh, the Agony of defeat, and I’m not just talking about my beloved Mavs, here.

Let’s start with Friday; Byron was cool, if you’re into golf (which I am not). Admittedly I had a couple of beers and decided hanging out at the beer tent was my best bet. The other option involved walking up and down the ‘hills’ and sweating off my make-up and attempting to hide armpit stains. I would estimate I walked three miles, if that’s possible, before retiring to the beer tent, because my legs were aching and my sebaceous glands were spewing oil faster than any oil rigs owned by Exxon. While at the area where lush-heads like myself congregate, and for a brief minute I thought I was on the Vegas strip. There were women passing out “business cards” with pictures of their nude bodies. Is this acceptable? I’m sorry, I thought I signed up to attend a respectable sporting event, not some prelude to a mud-wrestling match. I didn’t know this kind of stuff happened at golf events, at the NBA All-Star weekend, yes, but GOLF!? I’m so waiting for an ESPN Outside the Line story featuring some big named golfer and this mess that happens behind the scenes. The rest of the day was spent mingling with my friends and stuff I rather not share, because it may call into question my character as a decent human being, but damn I had so much fun

So on Saturday, I agreed to take part in a scholarship fundraising bowling event. Let me just say, I’m a horrible bowler; the last time I bowled my score was a 50. My scores dramatically improved to an average of 103. The event took place from 1-5 and I bowled the entire time, so if you burn 259 calories an hour bowling and I bowled for 4 hours, that means I burned 1,036 calories, wait that doesn’t sound right. Oh well, if in fact I did burn that many calories, it was negated by the fact that I consumed… ahem: nachos, one hot dog, a side of onion rings and two big-ass cups of diet Pepsi. Yes, I did and I’m not proud at all. I was pooped by all that bowling and I think was in bed by 9.

Finally, on Sunday I felt the need to be anti-social. I’m an introvert, really I am, and I really need to take time to be by myself and have minimal human contact. So it doesn’t help when my mother shows up unannounced at around 3. UGH, one downside of living in the same metroplex as your parents is unexpected visits. Sometimes I don’t mind, but on days like yesterday, it pissed me off. I love my mother, but she is one person I can only take in small doses, like for one hour a week. So imagine, my delight when she called a mere 2 hours after she left my place to let me know she was on her way back over to drop off a table clothe she just sewed. And then she invited me over for dinner tonight and kindly decline and suggested Wednesday.

I’ve decided to increase my cardio workout this week from 30 minutes to 45 minutes and decided to do strength training after work as oppose to lunchtime

Stay tuned.

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. — Confucius